smiling's my favorite.

All my life, I’ve been “afraid” to eat peppers.

I just thought they were gross and I’d preferred fruit and other snacks over them. I was always so afraid of what they’d taste like.

Last night, the little girl I babysit encouraged me to ‘just try it’ because it’s her favorite vegetable. She was so funny. I explained to her that I was just always afraid of how it would taste and she said, ‘the worst that could happen is you’ll spit it out, right?’ 

Needless to say, I’m rather excited to have tried this red pepper. It was actually pretty delicious and I want to go out and buy some and dip it in some ranch.


So I’ve been babysitting in NYC for about a week and it’s pretty great.
I hadn’t changed a single diaper in over 10 years, up until last week. 
I walk basically everywhere, but I’m totally loving the ease of the subway. 

Some people totally freak me out, but I’m perfecting my bitch face, so nobody really messes with me.

My name is actually Kiki- basically everybody at school knows me as Kiki.
It’s rather hilarious. And then I don’t know what to do when people call me Katy.
So.. not mad.

I like my friends. I like my life. I’m happy.
Yay! 

I mean, I’m just really happy with my life right now.

I like the idea of going to a school where I know just about 3 people in the entire 2000 student population.

Because the likelihood of me having a class with any of them is pretty slim, but regardless- just 3 people. I’ve been living my life seeing the same people most of my life for the past 14 years in the same place. Half of my graduating class (yeah, that may be an exaggeration) went to the same college after high school and I couldn’t walk 20 feet without seeing someone I knew/ didn’t care to see. 


I’m excited to feel free.
free from my past, I guess.
Not that I regret things I’ve done, but it’s comforting to know that people won’t have some sort of pre conceived idea of me based on something I did 6 years ago, or even last year.

I guess I’m excited to make some friends I never would have met if I hadn’t made this decision to go back to school to learn how to help people through what I love doing the most.

=)

Also. I had such a lovely day with my family, and good friend today.
So lovely. So wonderful. So grateful. So blessed.

I love my life.

I hope you’re all enjoying life, and if you’re not, I hope life treats you better as soon as possible. =) <33 

My God, Can we please start telling people they are beautiful?

Can it be a rule, can it be a duty of ours to smile at people, genuinely, and to be kind- to help those who express they need help, even if it isn’t spelled out directly? 

Can we open our eyes and see what others are going through? Can we see others’ points of views and show some compassion? 

There was something that switched in my brain about 5 years ago that told me I’m fucking incredible. Up until 5 years ago, I didn’t know what my future would hold because I didn’t think I’d be happy because I wasn’t happy at the time. I felt worthless and like the ugliest person on the planet who would never amount to anything because that’s what some of my peers told me. Everyday I thank God that something switched, that I saw the light, that I looked in the mirror and decided, I may not ever be beautiful enough on the outside to show how beautiful I am as a person, but that’s okay. Because my exterior shell has nothing to do with the worth and beauty and love I have on the inside waiting to be seen.

If you sit behind your computer and you leave anonymous comments telling somebody to go kill themselves, I feel sorry for you because YOU are the weak one. It’s a shame you were taught to be the way you are. 

We need to stand up for one another, even if we aren’t all friends. 

To those of you who walk past hundreds of people a day without even moving a muscle to smile and show that you’re an equal, I challenge you to get out of your self centered lifestyle, and start a new one- a compassionate, kind, loving lifestyle where you’re goal in life isn’t just to be fucking awesome yourself, but to get other people to see how absolutely amazing and beautiful THEY are, too. 

Can we please stop being so self centered and inconsiderate of the rest of the humans who inhabit the same exact planet you do?

please. 


I don’t even care if we have never spoken before. Contact me if you are sad. Contact me if someone made you feel worthless and you need to be told you are beautiful. You are not attention seeking if you are depressed. You are not attention seeking if you express how upset and broken you are. You are HUMAN. My God. You are human. 

We’re not supposed to be unbreakable and strong, unaffected creatures. Feelings make us human, experiences and how they effect us make us real; that’s why we’re here. 

We need to stop making people feel ashamed and like they don’t belong because they’re different. Who told you that you are now the ruler of the universe and you decide who can stay and who has to kill themselves to rid the planet of their “unworthiness”. Don’t make me laugh. Don’t hold your breath. You do not have that power. 

We can’t let anybody have power over us to make us feel worthless. We were all put on this earth for a reason. We are alive- and that for one thing is something to be grateful for. Pain sucks and sometimes we feel like there is no escaping it, but there is. There is a reason for the pain and when you get through it, you will be grateful for it. 

Maybe I’m just weird and I love human beings so much to the point where I wish I could reach out and get through to everyone the fact that we are all beautiful and we all have a reason to be on this planet. We need to help each other see our worth and our potential. We cannot belittle one another for our own enjoyment. 

I’m not even sorry for this rant taking up your dashboard. 

Wake up, Everybody.
Treat your neighbor how you’d like to be treated.
Or just don’t say anything at all.

But that’s the problem, too. Not saying anything at all. 
So say something. 

<3 More people need to be saying, “I’m here for you” than walking past, or scrolling passing, deciding to “ignore”.  
 

Isn’t that what life’s about? Holding on to your good memories.

This freaking weekend has reminded me how beautiful life is.

I have such incredible people in my life. Catching up with friends is so wonderful and it just makes my life when they call and tell me how they’re doing.

I think it’s awesome to have friends you’re proud of. I actually think that those are the people who are your actual friends- the ones you can say, “I’m so proud of you,” gladly and in front of anybody who will listen. 

I’m so blessed, it’s not even funny. 

My sister and I have been going to the gym together and I’m rather excited. I biked about 11.5 miles today and then treadmilled uphill for about 2 miles to cool dat shiz down before rehearsal.

I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN. 

This past week, people told me I’m beautiful. At random. 
I guess it’s been awhile since I’ve felt beautiful. 
So I guess I think it’s a big deal that people are telling me I’m beautiful since I’m actually FEELING it. 

The past 6 months, I was at my lowest I’ve ever really been at because I thought I’d never be able to sing again and I hated that my asthma was taking over my damn life. BUT I’ve taken control of my life again and I’m really excited. 

(I gave up fried foods, fast food [not panera or fudruckers because I feel like they are more sit down restaurant-types and their food is actually pretty good for you] and junk food for lent. I was going to give up soda, too, but I don’t really drink that enough to feel like it’s a loss. SO yeah, I gave up that stuff for LENT because I did it a few years ago and I’d gotten at my healthiest, so here’s to a repeat! Because I’d never been happier.)

ALSO. I love wearing lipstick. I love wearing make up. 
I stopped wearing eye make up and stuff because I didn’t want to be seen as “the girl who’s trying too hard.” But. Whatever. If people think that way, they’re dumb, because I feel rather lovely with some eye make up and lipstick. So bye. =)

ALSO. QUICK QUESTION: WHY DOES PLANET FITNESS HAVE FREE TOOTSIE ROLLS!?! As I leave from working out and feeling wonderful, I snatch them up and I feel like I just ruined my last 45 minutes of life… 

ALSOALSO. Rachel McAdams. I’d like to be the next you. Can I have your career? 

the last 9 hours have been rather odd.

they were just weird. 

I started packing a bit for California and wrote the introduction to my essay for history.
and by, “i started packing a bit”, I mean that I generally packed my accessories and toiletries lol. I usually wait until the day before I’m going somewhere to pack, but I don’t think I should do that with this trip. I’ll be away from home for 9 days, I could forget a lot of shit.

anyway.
At the fundraiser tonight, I saw a lot of my graduating class and felt the same awkward/uncomfortable/I WANT TO PUNCH YOU ALL IN THE FACE FOR BEING SO RUDE feeling again and was happy to have a few people there who felt the same and didn’t, seemingly, want to punch me. Caught up with a few people and realized how much life has changed in the past 2.5 years. Listening to my used-to-be-peers talking as rude and judgmental as ever, I was basically thanking God I’ve become the person who I am today. The way some of them just looked at other people, let alone how they were still saying absolutely terrible things about people- eck. I’m so glad I’m not forced to be surrounded by them anymore. As much as I tried to make the best of high school, seeing these people reminded me why I didn’t cry at graduation and why I was so freaking excited when I left the school after project graduation. 

I started feeling awkward like I felt in high school because of where I was placed on the social latter or whatever. I felt so uncomfortable and like the majority of the room was judging me, not because I’m generally paranoid, but because of the negative things I remember from high school. I don’t remember much from any year before the second half of senior year. ANYWAY. I’m so grateful to be out of there and away from those people. But catching up with a few distant souls was rather enjoyable.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE- A good friend of mine just texted me, freaking out about how my 14 year old sister is “kicking his ass” in words with friends. My initial reaction “omg this is the best text ever” and then… “it’s almost 3 in the morning, why is my sister still awake… and playing words with friends… with one of my best friends…”

bahaha. Oh life. life, life, life, life, liiiiiife. You never cease to amaze me.