You know that moment when you do something nobody's ever seen you do before
and you do it so well that they can’t even believe what they’ve witnessed? And they realize you’re actually their competition and they don’t even know what to do about it.
WELL. Last night, I had that moment. For the past 6 months, I went through some serious vocal and breath therapy to get back to where I was two years ago, if not better, and I have honestly never felt more proud of myself before. I spent a full semester hearing everybody talk about the high notes they were hitting in their lessons and listening to people tell me I’m not a high soprano, that I’m “only” a mezzo and that my teacher was crazy for telling me this. WELL, at first, I wasn’t sure my teacher knew what she was talking about either, but… she’s honestly fucking incredible. 5 months ago, I couldn’t even sing a middle C my vocal chords were so screwed up. So I decided that I can’t let this happen ever again because it’s preventable and I know I was good, so I just have to push myself through the struggle. THANK THE LORD, I had some of the MOST INCREDIBLE friends, family, and professors who kept encouraging me because I’d never felt more confident going into a callback before in my life, until last night. Singing those high A’s like they were nothing, and I could have gone up to a C easily if I had to.
I just wish I could have taken a picture of the reactions on my classmates’ faces; dead. Completely and utterly blown away. I spent a semester of hearing rumors of people saying, “she’ll never sing as well as she used to.” or “is she ever going to sing again?”. or “there’s no way she’ll be able to sing well enough for the show next semester.” … bye.
After my two songs, my accompanist turned to me and said, “YOU don’t have a problem at all. What was it they said was wrong with you last semester? There’s nothing wrong with you…” and we shared some excited laughter and I couldn’t stop smiling.
MY POINT- Regardless of casting, I finally proved to myself that I didn’t fail. I can still sing. 5 months ago, I felt like the biggest failure on the planet because I couldn’t sing a middle C, but I pushed through and I’ve never sung better. And it may have taken about 9 months for me to figure out what was wrong, but I fixed it with the help of some incredible teachers, and I’ve never been happier.
The beginning of the semester is finally starting to calm down and I don't want to shut everybody out anymore lol
First assignment in Cabaret class is to think of a way diversity has effected me and write a “monlogue” which I could possibly “perform” to lead into a song.
I’m kind of having trouble deciding what to write about.
Everyone’s talking about how they’re going to write about when they were bullied and alienated and what not. or something. I’ve never actually really said much about how/if I’ve ever been treated badly because I don’t like to give people opportunity to pity me. I don’t like to point out my faults or the sadness I’ve been through mainly because it’s in the past and I don’t ever want to relive it again.
I could write about the time the entire freshman softball team started a petition to get me kicked off. Every single one of my friends signed it. Mind you, I was not the worst player on the team- I actually started center field every game and it wasn’t until a few weeks after the petition went around, that I started getting switched out for a couple innings to give someone else a chance (which I didn’t care about because, why not, give other people the chance to play.) ANYWAY. Not one of my friends didn’t sign it, not one of them stuck up for me. I was a good team player, and though I hadn’t played for school or for the town ever, I’d grown up playing baseball with all the boys in the neighborhood since I could throw a ball and swing a bat, but that was the first time I really experienced how ugly jealousy can be. Needless to say, I lost all of my friends that year and for two years, I didn’t have real friends, just classmates. I played softball and ran track to take up my time, but I was miserable until I met some friends in the drama club who urged me to audition. It was then that I realized, everybody has their place in the world, they just have to find it.
Or I could write about how I was cyber bullied for almost 2 years by some of the most unfortunate souls on the planet in middle school because I was “the ugliest, most worthless thing on the planet” who will “never have a boyfriend.” For two years I hated myself because of the words these girls called me. Because I let these girls define me, I was distant and couldn’t trust a soul. It wasn’t until Junior year of high school when I actually was told that I was beautiful. I’d taken a step back and realized how far I’d come from feeling so ugly and so worthless that I felt the need to channel the pain I’d felt for so long, into positivity and making other people realize their worth and not go a day without knowing how precious life is. I went from living in an angry, confused bubble, to believing in, and learning to love myself and I wound up winning the superlative for the best personality of my graduating class. So much for being worthless.
I don’t really know which one to talk about. and I don’t know what “theater” songs could fit with either of them at the moment, but this was more for my benefit, to help me brainstorm.
If you read this, thank you, you’re lovely.
Have a wonderful night everyone and make tomorrow awesome =)