I'm not supposed to speak or sing for the next week.
I’m going to see a specialist to check out my vocal chords because I’m getting too frustrated about my inability to produce a healthy speaking voice, let alone sing.
So, I’m spending the silence sort of getting reacquainted with my body and my mind, remembering little things about how to produce what sounds and stuff. I feel like a child. As nerve wracking as this is going to be, I’m grateful to have this chance to relax and not speak or anything. All I want to do is remember. To wake up from this haze and know what to do to make everything stop hurting.
I need to hear that I’m not a failure. I keep telling myself I’m not a failure and that I didn’t ruin my voice. I need someone to tell me it really is going to be okay and that I really can fix this and be myself again, if not better.
My breathing, speaking, and singing have been impaired for weeks, if not months (though, I’ve had asthma and trouble breathing all my life, it’s gotten worse recently) and my mind is really freaking out.
I need to just relax. My whole body just needs to chill and stop racing. My mind needs to stop thinking the worst and I can’t let those thoughts control me anymore.
I need to believe in myself because I don’t anymore. And if I don’t even believe I can get better, then how much longer will anybody else? =( <3